103. Free – Not Freeze

In the June 21 posting, I mentioned my involvement in a goal setting program called “Best Year Yet,” and my motto for one of my years. Another year my motto was: I Make Choices That Free Myself, Not Choices That Freeze Me.

I am a classic case of raising my hand too often. I truly get interested in a vast number of things, but there is a limit to what a person can do and do well. I have a hard time recognizing when I’m over the limit. But one of my clues is when I start getting frozen—which for me is the same as paralyzed.

When I have stepped up to the plate for too many things, I get overwhelmed and just barely slide in on deadline after deadline. When I start shedding some of those responsibilities, I find two things. One is that someone else can do it just as well or better, and number two, I am able to live with a freedom that is wonderful.

So, Ann—watch your choices!

102. Words, Words, Words

I’m back to writing about words because I think they’re so important. As children we chanted: sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me. And it’s just not true. Words can wound and wound deeply. As Emily Dickinson wrote:

A Word is dead

When it is said,

Some say.

I say it just

Begins to live

That day.

The Sufi’s talk about three gates that words need to pass through. At the first gate, you ask yourself “Is what I’m about to say true?” And if the answer is no, then you can stop right there. But if what you’re going to say is true, you go on to the second gate to the question “Is what I’m about to say necessary?” And I would imagine that a whole bunch of proposed talk would stop at that one, but if it is necessary then you go on to the third gate and hear the question “Is what I’m about to say kind?”  Try that one for a week—or even a day.

I haven’t totally learned this one yet. I’m still working on it. But I’m trying because I think it connects with peace—–keeping words true, necessary, and kind.

101. Three Kinds of Time

There are three kinds of time. The first is represented by a circle and it includes all those kinds of time that repeat themselves—the seasons, clock time. moon cycles. The second is represented by a line and that includes historical time—I was born in 1933; I went to see the Grand Canyon in 1995; Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed in 1968.

And the third kind of time is Kairos time. Kairos is an ancient Greek word meaning the opportune moment. Kierkegaard called it “pregnant moment.” It is represented by a dot and for me, means time of fulfillment.

In practice, for me it means those times that you wouldn’t ever want to miss. It means times of wonder, times when you say to yourself, “I’m so glad to have lived long enough for this particular moment.” I personally want to have as many Kairos moments as possible.

100. Song Dedicated to Thich Nhat Hanh

In 1988 I wrote a song which I dedicated to Thich Nhat Hanh. The words here give you some idea of a small part of what I have gained from this man.

Peace – One Step At a Time

—

Sometimes I’m frenzied and I can’t catch my breath,

And I rush from job to job and feel I’ll never get done,

And then something interrupts that adds more things for me to do

And I feel overwhelmed and helpless and I don’t know where to turn—

—

Peace—one step at a time,

I can have peace—one step at a time,

I can have peace.

—

It happens once again I lose it once more,

Lose my center, lose my patience, lose my calm, inner self,

And the pressure builds, frustration mounts,

I don’t know where I’m headed,

And I toss and turn and wonder why I can’t seem to remember—

—

Peace—one step at a time,

I can have peace—one step at a time,

I can have peace.

—

Slowing down now—Smiling more now,

Walking carefully—Being peace now,

Reaching out now—Spreading peace,

Full circle coming round.

—

Peace—one step at a time,

I can be peace—one step at a time,

I can be peace.

—

© Copyright 1988 by Ann Freeman Price

99. Thich Nhat Hanh

It’s hard to believe that this is my 99th posting and that I started on June 19th and it is now September 25th. AND hard to believe all of that and that I have not once mentioned Thich Nhat Hanh.

He is a Zen master, poet, and peace advocate, originally from Vietnam, now living in a small community in southwestern France. He has written innumerable books and has profoundly influenced my life.

I have been impressed with my ability to breathe and smile (which he recommends first thing in the morning), but I guarantee that if you do it during the day when you’re frustrated or angry, that little act of a very small smile almost immediately changes your frustration and anger.

I cherish his book A Guide to Walking Meditation, for the words and the encouragement to walk mindfully each day, and also for the beautiful and calming-in- themselves illustrations by Yasuhide Kobashi. Compare the pictures of Thich Nhat Hanh on this book and on some of his later books—on the front of this one he is very young. I heartily recommend everyone getting acquainted with this person.

98. Dance at Day’s Start and Finish

I have always liked to dance – not ballroom dancing – but creative movement. And a couple of days ago it occurred to me that at age 79 I didn’t have to give it up and could reintroduce it into my day—five minutes at the beginning and at the end.

One night dancing to Cris Williamson’s “Filling Up and Spilling Over.” One morning a Sousa march to get going on the day. One night a slow meditation song with soft, easy movements that wondered if they should be called dance. One morning the painting exercise to explore the space around me that I used to do with June Keener-Wink. Each time something different, and each time something new.

I feel better when I dance. In the morning I feel more able and at night I feel more ready for bed. And in between morning and night, throughout the day, I feel I have reclaimed something I love. And so I dance.

This isn’t the end of my entries about dance—it’s barely the beginning.

97. “Be” for Someone

This is the day of my one-woman show in Sparta, NJ and it has been momentous preparing for it. Pulling musicians together. Teaching the final song to a few grandchildren. Getting the program finished (ten pages). Preparing the patter between songs or readings. Publishing three books since June.

And this week as I was in the church office, I said to the secretary, “I’m a little bit frazzled.” She looked at me, touched me on the shoulder, and said seriously, “I’ll be calm for you.” And it worked. In that moment I was calmer. And in the few days ahead, as I got caught up in preparations again, I would think of her voice and it would work again.

It was a gift.

And it occurs to me that it is a gift we can give with some degree of seriousness to many of our friends, and perhaps to strangers too. I’ll be calm for you.

96. I Am Not the Center of the World

I wrote this song in the 1970’s in a time when I thought I was the hub and the children and the home and the husband all depended upon me and I had to come through one hundred percent of the time. The words to the song declare that that is not true and slowly I began to see that.

I still can get caught up in trying to do it all and I read the words again and recognize their truth.

—–

I am not the center of the world, I am not the center of the world,

Everything does not depend upon me.

Everything does not revolve around me,

Every now and then things take place

That don’t involve me at all because—

I am not the center of the world.

—

It’s a little bit relaxing to know

That I’m not running the whole show,

I don’t have to do it all myself.

Everything that happens may not be my fault,

People may be thinking and reacting not to me,

They may be dealing with themselves, or reacting to the past,

Or fearing the future too.

—

I am not the center of the world, I am not the center of the world,

Everything does not depend upon me.

Everything does not revolve around me,

Every now and then things take place

That don’t involve me at all because—

I am not the center of the world.

—

© Copyright 1976 by Ann Freeman Price

95. Keep On Going

I’ve written about having gone to Dalcroze in #23 in these Things I’ve Learned. And another thing I learned there was to keep going. In sight singing as we worked with singing a piece of music, the teacher kept saying “Don’t lose your place, don’t try to go back and fix it, just keep going and don’t skip a single beat.”

In music I have continued to use that philosophy and even when playing solo’s on the piano, if I goof up and make a mistake, I just keep going, and often I’m the only one who knows a mistake was made. The music in total holds it all together.

And it applies beyond music. You can make mistakes and you can bring yourself to a full stop. You can symbolically flog yourself a little. You can even wallow in the blunder. Or—you can move on. Acknowledge the error but don’t skip a beat. Keep your place and know that life will hold it together.

94. Handful of Quietness

I have always loved the words in the Revised Standard Version of the Bible for Ecclesiastes 4:6 – Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and striving after wind. Years ago I wrote an choir anthem using those words and there were spaces  of quiet in the music, just like the verse said.

I’m not sure I’ve totally learned it yet. (But then I’m not sure I’ve totally learned anything yet.) But I do know that when I’ve experienced times of wildly rushing around, times of trying and trying to accomplish something, times of endless going to exhaustion – then is when the quietness is oh so much better, even a handful of it.

We had a wise babysitter once—and older woman. When my four children were all under six and having one of those crazy run-around screaming times, she would get a children’s book and go to the corner of the livingroom and start to softly read. One by one the children left their hyper-activity and sat beside her or leaned upon her—just to hear the quiet story.

One of the beauties of the morning is the stillness. And one of the beauties of stillness is being able to create it yourself, even in the midst of chaos.