Poet, Author, Composer....
On June 19, 2012 I was 79 years old, and starting to live my 80th year. I decided to write down Things I Have Learned So Far:
3. Let Go of What’s Not Mine
For a number of years I participated in a program called “Best Year Yet.” And my oldest daughter Donna was my coach. Each year I would come up with a motto of sorts for the year.
One year it was: Let Go of What’s Not Mine.
I found I was worrying about some of my adult children or trying to manage someone else’s life or trying to control the ways things went at the church. And the reality was that many of those situations weren’t mine at all.
If I would, I could let go of it.
Just let it go.
Because it isn’t mine.
2. Just Work It
When I was co-pastor at St. Paul’s United Methodist Church in Nyack, I asked my daughter Debbie to come and teach some of the children in the Sunday School how to make some greeting cards with stamps.
At the time Debbie was doing “Stampin’ Up” and had a whole selection of rubber stamps.
We had five or six children of various ages and Debbie got them going and they were all having fun, when suddenly a little girl burst into tears.
Debbie said, “What happened?” and the little girl said, “I ruined it.” Debbie said, “Show me what you meant to do.” The little girl told her about the mistake she had made—she was still on the edge of tears.
Debbie said, “It’s not ruined at all. Here’s what you do—you work it. You do some other stamps and you cover up your mistake and you change your idea just a little and it is fine—absolutely fine.”
Oh, I needed to hear that and I’ve thought of it when I run into roadblocks or what seem like roadblocks—just work it!
Things I’ve Learned
Today, June 19th, I am 79 years old and that means that I am starting my 80th year. I’ve been mulling over for a few weeks what I’ve learned—so far. And I decided to add this category to my blog and to write something every day (well, almost every day) about these things I’ve learned—a different subject each day. Some may be serious, some may be silly, some are just what they are. They’re not in any order of importance—just as I think of them and get them written.
Everyone would have different things that they’ve learned. Some of mine you may relate to—some not. It’s been interesting just to gather them and I’m not done with that yet. But anyway, here’s the first one:
1. Comparative Virus
I have led writing groups for about 15 years. Some people wanted to write their life story. And one of the men who got caught up in that project went ahead and self published what he wrote. One woman wrote children’s stories. Some just wanted to try their hand at writing.
One of the things I always told the people in these groups was not to catch the comparative virus. Because I certainly have caught the virus myself from time to time. I read something by someone else and think—oh that’s wonderful. And often it would stop me—just stop me from writing more.
Because I think “Oh I can never write like that.” And that’s right—you can’t. Because you are you and that person is that person. You write like yourself and you don’t let the virus stop you from writing.
The comparative virus can be alive and well in other parts of my life too and I just need to be vigilant.
Immortal Bird by Doron Weber
This was simply an amazing book. I have no quotes from it. But on the back of the book there is a recommendation from Dava Sobel, author of Longitude. This person writes: I found it almost impossible to read this book, or even to see the pages, at times, through my tears. It was equally impossible to stop reading it—to turn away from its red-haired teen hero or the voice of his adoring father. The boy Damon, whose life is delimited by his damaged heart, emerges here as the grandest spirit in a small body since Antoine de Saint-Exupery imagined The Little Prince.”
I too fell in love with this boy, with his father, with in fact the entire family. I loved the magic of Damon’s acting experiences and how good he was. I admired the father’s constant search for medical help for his son and his willingness to become so knowledgeable himself, that he could question the medical people authentically. And then I too became exasperated and frustrated by those same medical people.
I was amazed at the connection between father and son and if you read this book, you will know the scene that shouts that connection. It says something powerful about the individual’s will to live just to avoid breaking that tie.
I finished the book on a Tuesday and by Thursday it was still with me, complete with the tears. When I turned the last page, I found the small black and white picture of Damon and he looked exactly as I knew he would. I don’t often read books twice but for this book I would make an exception. I don’t often buy a book that I have already read but I will, so that I have my own copy of Immortal Bird by Doron Weber.
Winter Garden
It’s a snowy day here (Saturday, January 21) and I laid in bed this morning finishing reading Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah. It is lasting into the day with me. First of all, I recommend it and will try to not say too much about it to ruin it for anybody else’s reading.
It’s about sisters, and mother and daughter relationships. It’s about trauma and how you carry it with you. And it’s about resolution and how it happens and whether with the resolution, you have some regrets.
We have had a recent death in our family and knowledge of several people with serious cancer. That has served to remind me about time and its limitations. I found myself throughout this book in wonder at this mother’s courage and determination to stand tall, and at the same time, found myself in tears at the end of the book as resolution happened but much time had been lost.
One of my New Year’s resolutions is to stay in intentional touch with a bunch of people, both family and friends. And to try to not only have the daily chit-chat but also the deeper conversation.
This book spurs that resolution on, plus holding on to persistence and determination as one of the sisters does. What a good read.
God of brightness—
Help me to be bright
and in the brilliance
to do good things…
Forgive us on this day
August 6
the deaths we wrought
in Japan
We celebrate those who survived
and now work for peace
help me join them.
Amen.
Hope and Courage in Times Such as These—A Concrete Example of Hope and Courage
by Richard Deats
For decades after the end of World War II, the Cold War reigned in a highly dangerous nuclear showdown between the Communist world and the West. Many people came to think that war was inevitable and that civilization itself might be destroyed in a massive use of weapons of mass destruction. Year after year, the showdown continued: the conflict seemed unending.
But in the midst of this widespread fear, the peace movement began to grow. People in the East and the West reached out to one another through peace rallies and marches, petitions and conferences, and imaginative ways to meet one another—letters(both open and secret), joint ventures, poetry and art, music, and prayer and, finally, even visits across boundaries and borders.
During this period Berlin was the nerve center of the Cold War, the place where danger held sway and each new crisis threatened to lead to a final cataclysm implied in the accepted doctrine of MAD, Mutually Assured Destruction.
But something happened in the early 1980s that at the time seemed a bit naïve and impracticably visionary. An announcement appeared on the bulletin board of an East German congregation inviting people to meet in the church basement at a stated time to discuss two questions: What would the world look like a thousand years from now when the Berlin Wall came down? and 2) What should people do now to make that happen?
Around fifteen people came to the meeting. Then, they met again and, as the word spread, similar meetings sprang up in other places. Where formerly people had felt hopeless and fearful, the mood had begun to change. People started to grow in hopefulness and courage. Former US President Dwight Eisenhower had said, “The people want peace so much that some day the governments are going to have to get out of their way and let them have it.” Now that was happening.
At the historic Nickolai Church in Leipsig, massive peace gatherings grew, eventually bringing together Christians and communists and people of other beliefs and ideology, intellectuals and students. They shared, amidst their many differences, a common longing for peace and reconciliation. Each Monday afternoon at 5:00 the people gathered. After the meetings they would spill out into the streets with lighted candles and with many singing. They engaged the Stasi, heretofore the feared state police, in dialogue and hope.
“Give peace a chance” was a call that grew more and more insistent as incredible changes spread in country after country. Finally, in 1989, the Cold War barriers began to collapse and on November 9 the Berlin Wall itself came down—peacefully. Citizens on both sides of the Wall gathered to bring down the Wall with picks and sledgehammers, and even ordinary hammers. Gandhi had named such action satyagraha, soul force. The imprisoned Czech intellectual Vaclav Havel called such effort living in Truth. This is the meaning of nonviolence, rooted in Truth and courage. Havel was eventually freed and elected the president of Czechoslovakia!
Mahatma Gandhi often spoke of “the impossible… ever becoming possible.” He said,”You say it is impossible? Think of all the things that have been declared impossible until they happened!” In his life-long struggle to build a peaceful, nonviolent world, Gandhi refused to be intimidated by the formidable scope of the vast problems facing colonial India, ruled by Great Britain, the most powerful empire of its time.
History is an open canvas that takes shape by our dreams and our efforts to bring those dreams into reality. Faith and vision and determination are required, however, if we are to rise above the pessimism and despair of the moment.
In 1979, long before the Berlin Wall fell, an intimation of what might come was seen in Poland, East Germany’s neighbor to the east. The Poles formed a labor union, Solidarity, the first independent workers’ organization in the Soviet bloc. They began with a walkout from the shipyards in Gdansk and they built a powerful workers’ movement. A year later martial law was imposed in a swift and brutal move by the government of General Jaruselski to stop the workers. Solidarity, however, went underground rather than disappearing. They boldly decided to combat martial law by living “as if”, doing the “impossible”:
Start doing the things you think should be done and start being what you think society should become.
“Do you believe in freedom of speech? Speak freely.”
“Do you love the truth? Then tell it.”
“Do you believe in an open society? Then act in the open”.
“Do you believe in a decent and humane society? Then behave decently and humanely.
By living “as if” Solidarity peacefully conquered martial law and eventually became free.
The theologian Walter Wink admonishes us, “Believe the future into being,” Our personal and collective awareness of the way history has been positively shaped over the last half century has been lacking, leading many to despair. There have been setbacks, of course, for the way is long and often brutal. Injustice does not surrender easily.
But let’s look at the seeds that have born fruit in movements for hopeful change all over the world:
the nonviolent end of the Cold War,
the peaceful defeat of dictatorships in Latin America and the Philippines,
in the United States, the civil rights movement. the women’s movement, the movement of gays, lesbians and transgendered people, the ongoing struggle for justice, the overthrow of apartheid in South Africa, the nonviolent uprisings in Tunisia and Egypt in 2011…..
When the Wall came down I contacted Ulli Sonn, my German friend and colleague who does peace work in Berlin for the Versohungsbund, the German Fellowship of Reconciliation. We shared our joy and, before hanging up, I asked if he could send me a piece of the Berlin Wall to remember this miraculous moment. He sent it and ever since that time, wherever I participate in an event for peace, I carry it with me as a concrete example of the power of peace to change history.
“Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love”. (John 4:7-8)
—–Richard Deats
© Copyright 2011 by Richard Deats
Portions of this sermon will appear in Richard’s forthcoming book, “Stories of Courage, Hope and Compassion.”
This was the week of Amy DeLong’s United Methodist Church Trial. She was charged by the church with being a “self-avowed practicing homosexual” and with having performed a union service for two women.
I spent the week thinking of her, praying for her and the entire process, helping to arrange a vigil of two hours each day of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (the days of the trial) at Sparta United Methodist Church. I was there the first two days and the third day a severe storm kept me home.
Each day we lit the seven candles—one for each color of the rainbow. We listened on Tuesday as one person read the sermon that Amy herself had preached the night before. On Wednesday we talked about Amy in connection with the sermon Richard Deats had delivered the Sunday before at Sparta—of how seeds of love eventually can grow into new realities.
I found out the result of the trial—not guilty of the first charge of being a self-avowed practicing homosexual; and guilty of the second charge of having performed a union service for two women. And then I waited for the consequences of the guilty verdict.
She was given a suspension of ministerial duties for 20 days starting July 1st for discernment leading to a process of meeting with her bishop, her district superintendent, the chair of her Board of Ordained Ministry, and a Wisconsin elder (pastor) of her choice—all of these leading to a document that would outline procedures for clergy in order to help resolve issues that harm the clergy covenant, create an adversarial spirit, or lead to future clergy trials. This paper would be completed in time to be presented and acted upon by that Wisconsin Annual Conference at the 2012 clergy session.
It was refreshing to hear on Saturday from Amy’s support team—and that they saw this action of the jury as “an exemplary exoneration of her.” They wrote that the jury wants her “to teach the conference what it has not yet learned (or forgotten): how we pull together to leave this world a better place.”
This trial it seems to me was unlike any that the Church has held so far on this subject. The shift is slow and at the same time it is happening. Somehow it has all fit together for me—from last Sunday’s sermon by Richard (which you can find here); through the week of sitting vigil and talking together; clear through to a jury giving her not a penalty but an opportunity to once again teach with her words and her life about loving each other.
In May I read eleven books and these are the ones I would especially point out.
—
Healing—A Woman’s Journey from Doctor to Nun by Sister Dang Nghiem. Sister Nghiem was born in the midst of the Vietnam War and this book tells of her journey from her birth to now when she is affiliated with Thich Nhat Hanh and his order.
I loved her references to her mother and the thought of whether as Sister Nghiem transformed her own suffering, she also might be making her mother more free of her sufferings.
At one point she writes: We can live a life of such busyness, pain, and sorrow that, even if we’re successful, if we carry on in that way, we will feed our own pain. When I transform, I stop that cycle. I stop the cycle of abuse. I stop the cycle of violence. I stop the cycle of suffering. I transform for my mother and for the generations before her. (page 82)
—
The Pioneer Woman—Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond. I enjoyed this book. I had just finished Jonathan Franzen’s book Freedom which you will notice I did not list here. And this book of a woman who fell in love and moved from city to ranch was refreshing. It is not a literary classic, but I liked it just the same. On top of that, I subscribed to her website and have learned a few things about ranching and gotten some good recipes.
—
It Happened On the Way to War—A Marine’s Path to Peace by Rye Barcott. This was a memoir that compared his experiences with leadership initiatives in Kenya with some of his Marine experiences—pretty interesting.
—
The Cow in the Parking Lot—A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston. This was one of the books that I read a little bit of daily—I have about six of them going at a time.
This book offers many ideas for avoiding anger and also seeing what anger creates in other people. Here’s one gem: A saying comes to mind: Anger is as good at solving problems as a fan is at stacking papers. (page 65)
You might want to read it just to find out what getting “third-beared” means.
—
The Girls
—
he called them “the girls”
this group of deer
who still make their way
across his lawn
to the small space of woods
on the other side of his street
—
“the girls” keep coming
despite the Saturn dealer
who cleared some trees
to make room for the Saturns
despite the Thruway
which shuttles cars and trucks
from west to east
and back again
despite the mall
built nearby
which spins the traffic
from out of control
to chaos
—
a little after dusk
I left his home
as “the girls” were
making their way too
—
one stopped in the street
to turn and look at me
we both stood still
but she was clearly wondering
if I had a permit
to be there
—
© Copyright 2003 by Ann Freeman Price
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