141. We Are Each In Charge
I went to a one-day 1984 workshop with Stephen and Ondrea Levine outside of Boston and one of the things Stephen Levine said was how important ti was to let the person who is dying be in charge of what they want to do and to make decisions. (I actually think that’s important most of the time, whether you are dying or not.)
The side issue to that is to not impose what I think is best on someone else. The wonderful example that he gave was of a person in a hospital who has been visited over and over by a social worker who wants the person to talk, to come to terms with dying, to…just a whole list of things.
Finally the person is ready to leave the hospital to go home and the social worker rushes out, reluctant even then to let go and says “Just a minute, I want to help.” The person turned, looked directly at the social worker and says, “I want a ride home. Can you just give me that—just a ride home?”
That example is also in Levine’s book “How Can I Help?”
I remember visiting a woman in the hospital. She was a member of the church I went to, but I didn’t know her very well. I wanted to offer to do music therapy with her—she knew I was a music therapist, and as I stood beside her bed, I said, “Is there anything I can do?” She looked at me and said, “Next time you come, could you do my nails?”
We are each in charge and it feels to me like it is a good and healthy thing when we can continue to be in charge.
