208. Therapy and Change
My work with therapists had its beginnings in Nashville. I went to see the pastor of our church, just to talk about some of my frustrations—Nelson traveling, four children under six. At some point, he said, “What do you want?” and I said, “What? Well…Nelson wants…” and he repeated, “What do you want?” and I finally answered that I didn’t know. He asked “Who are you?” and I answered with all my roles: Nelson’s wife; Donna, David, Debra and Dara’s mother; Carolyn’s daughter. He repeated “Who are you?” and I said I didn’t know.
This therapist (pastoral counselor) planted the seeds of questioning that eventually led to a series of therapists that accompanied me as I thought through both my past and my present.
I discovered that I was trying so hard to please everyone around me. And at some point I added the therapist to the list and tried to please that person too. It took a while to recognize myself—who I am, and what I want. I think it’s part of the life journey and my experience is that therapy is one way of sorting things out.
I have often talked through something and discovered the answer that works for me in the midst of my talking. Sometimes the therapist or the person doing the listening just has to be there—a support, a questioner, a listener. Because I have the answer. It’s within me and I can discover it.
